Duality

No this is not about cheating on a girl.
I've just been through some extremes on the emotional scale and it's left me wondering...
'Bout life, the elusive inexplicable spark.

I was with Lisa. I knew her.
If ever there be a chronicle about me let it be when it comes to she:
And Paudah lay with Lisa and KNEW her.

This woman renewed my faith in humanity as a whole.
I'm not alone in this world. There are people like me, who talk like me, think like me, act like me but most important of all, understand me.
She's shown me that. Drawn me out of my shell, stripped me of my layers, exposed me to the elements. And loved me. Bolstered my strengths, strengthened my weaknesses, weakened my fears.
We shared what is fast beginning to seem like a fairytale. Days of bliss cocooned from this mad world we live in.

And as if right on cue I get back and find my buddy is throwing a big engagement party which under Malawian law is recognised as a traditional marriage.
Beautiful huh? That such things still happen. People fall in Love, propose, MARRY, make lifelong vows, have babies.

Then like a slap in the face on the way back from this happy event a car with our buddies in it bursts a tyre and crashes.
Three dead:

• S- The most bubbly guy you ever met with a mischievous smile and a twinkle in his eye, easy-going fellow, instantly unforgettable when met
• T- His sister. I never met her... now I never will
• M- The soldier, humble, laid back and fiercely faithul, almost to a fault, to those he counts as friends. He & I would play the nannies of our drunken crew when out on the scene. The kinda guy you knew had your back if anything got outta hand

Gone. Stole.
There is an emptiness that comes not out of NOT feeling but rather from feeling too much.
A dead place within and without that is bleak beyond comprehension.
There is an awareness of the temporality of life. A cold whisper over your shivering spine when you realise how easily you could be dead.
And there is a loss that you refuse to acknowledge because every part of you cannot accept it, wants it different.

I'm an emotional git, especially when it comes to friends. I believe in that all-out, open-hearted, come-what-may kinda friendship. Sometimes I get as good as I give and these guys were like that. Not my closest buddies but the sort of people you didn't mind having around anytime. Who could listen in when guys talked about sensitive stuff. Part of the crew, always in on the stuff we would do.
These are the guys I wanted around when we're old and gray on a family outing telling each other about what the kids have been up to and laughing when we recognised each other in their behaviour.

Rest in Peace my brothers, Mola awe nanyi hata na milele.
See you at the crossroads, like the Bone thugs say:
"...we living our lives to eternal our souls..."