The Bachelor Analogy

In the course of my usual meaningless drivel on the drive home yesterday I actually happened upon a quite meaningful little analogy. I lay no claim to it's being original, after all, who knows? Nothing new under the sun and all that...

So this is it.

I was talking to a friend who is now a well-seasoned bachelor and in the majority of opinion WELL overdue for the African way of spawning a brat, settling down and tying the knot and YES in that order, it's a new world so welcome to the new Africa!

Not to toot my own horn but back in my day I was quite the maelstrom myself and as things will go had friends to match. We partied every night, drank ourselves silly, slept too little, danced to much and the ladies, oh man the ladies...

However, almost as if by rote we one-by-one started to slow down, start behaving rationally and now as if by magic have turned into responsible family-men and are on-course to becoming that most dreaded of things, accomplished adults.

So from my now seemingly lofty perch (yes, said bachelor is still tripping the light fantastic), I decided to wax benevolent with wisdom and counsel my misguided buddy into more sober ways.

The analogy I struck upon was that of a 5-speed gearbox. Therefore when we first start working we're in gear one. Then we get used to earning a regular income and invest in creature comforts (the acquisition stage), move house, buy clothes, furniture, electronics, music, movies, basically whatever our heart desires and our pocket can afford. That's gear two. Now we have confidence and acquire a swagger because we know we got it goin' on, smooth sailing, cruising... Gear three. Time to look up and around and start making new friends of a similar bent, discovering new escapades together, road-trips are wonderful and new, house-parties galore, drinking sprees, general bonding. Gear four.
Now comes gear five. ALL.OUT.MADNESS. We are now brothers-in-arms, comrades to the end, "We Die Together!!!" is an oft-heard chant, right up alongside "ALUTA CONTINUA!!!"
This period is characterised by chaos and can renew one's belief in a higher power for the simple reason that they survived it (relatively) unscathed...

As must all things incendiary, the fire flares out and starts to sputter. Not so many nights or road trips. Terrible Hangovers. Aches and pains after dancing. Hello gear four.
Then home starts being a really cool place to hang out and catch some movies. Afternoon barbecues and quiet drinks with the guys over a football game with just the one night out a week now seems to be the norm. Gear three.
It's still not enough. The guys conversation seems somewhat shallow of a sudden, their company not that fulfilling. What can this mean? This yearning for softness, this weakness? Now you start violating the 'dispatch' rule. No sleepovers for females? A thing of the past. Strange things are afoot. Females are interesing for more than just their bodies. You clandestinely go on a couple of lunch-dates (the horror). Gear two.
You go public with your affinity for women beyond just the usual graphical physical descriptions and acts. Some of your buddies are understandably shocked but even MORE shocking, some can relate! Emboldened by your frankness they too disclose this newfound consummate creature, WOMAN. Howdy, gear one.
The multiple attachments have coalesced into one and you are now officially hooked. On the occasional boys' night out or escapade you feebly proclaim '..aluta continua' to your mates not even managing to convince yourself.
She or you have moved in and the more quality time you're spending with what you now reaise is your better half suddenly and mysteriously bears fruit (yeah right, you both know you stopped using condoms WAY back). You are pregnant. Unto us a child is born, gear two!
You must address all the ruckus your unlicensed union is producing, parents up in arms but secretly rejoicing, friends in now abject shock, yourselves (yep, plural now) thoroughly confused but making do. You manage to pull a rabbit out of a hat, the families meet, you arrange and hold a ceremony, you are a married man mate! Gear three.

Which is where I am at the moment and where the analogy must pause for now. Watch this space.

I do get the feeling that there are still quite a few gear-up-gear-downs ahead and perhaps not so sequential either. Mid-life crisis comes to mind and a whole slew of other stuff, I will not bellyache about it, just sit back and enjoy the ride, life is a journey after all...